Navigating the Complexities of Grief and Functioning: My Personal Journey
A few weeks after the devastating loss of my daughter, a reporter visited my home to interview me about the charity I founded in her memory, "Live Like Libby." The interview lasted over an hour, filled with smiles, stories, and what seemed like a strong front. But, the truth is, the moment the reporter left, I collapsed into a world of grief and tears. This experience made me realize the stark difference between functioning and grieving, and today, I want to share these insights with you.
Functioning vs. Grieving: Understanding the Difference
Functioning and grief are often confused, but they're not the same. Functioning is about managing daily life – getting out of bed, dressing up, working, etc. But grieving? It's an entirely different beast. It's about dealing and expressing our emotions due to our loss.
I've realized that I'm a high-functioning griever. I can keep up with daily life, compartmentalize my grief, and even look okay. But this doesn't mean I'm not grieving. The pain of losing my daughter is always there, subtly reminding me of her absence. I've come to understand that no matter how well I function, the grief never truly goes away.
High Functioning Grievers vs. Low Functioning Grievers
Everyone grieves differently. Some, like me, might appear high functioning, but we still have our breakdowns and moments of overwhelming sadness. Others might struggle more with day-to-day activities, and that's okay too. There's no right way to grieve.
It's essential for high-functioning grievers to take breaks and allow themselves to feel their grief. For me, moments spent looking at my daughter's pictures or singing our favorite lullaby, "Goodnight My Angel" by Billy Joel, are when I allow myself to truly grieve.
The Roller Coaster of Grief
Grief and functioning are like a roller coaster – unpredictable and full of ups and downs. One day, you might feel like you're managing well; the next, you're at the bottom, struggling to get through the day. This fluctuation is normal and part of the grieving process.
If you find yourself struggling to cope, it's okay to seek help. Grief can be overwhelming, and there's no shame in needing support. Whether it's through grief counseling, support groups, or other resources, reaching out for help can be a crucial step in managing your grief.
Grief is a journey with no clear roadmap. It's okay to have good days and bad days, to function well sometimes and struggle on others. Remember, you're not alone in this journey. Seek support, allow yourself to grieve, and take it one day at a time.
