What’s the point?
“What’s the point?”
It’s the big question in grief, isn’t it?
Why are we bothering to go on? How do we get out of bed every day? Why do we want to live when our loved one is gone?
First and foremost, I want you to know that it’s a completely normal question. It played on repeat in my head constantly after Libby died. If I’m being honest, sometimes I still do. I feel like someone ripped my heart out through my kneecaps. I’ve completely lost my identity, and the life I thought I was going to have no longer exists. I’m trying to pick up the pieces, but sometimes it doesn’t seem worth it.
The thing is — I know that it is. I know, through all of my education and research, that questioning life and its meaning is a completely normal, and actually super healthy, step on a grief journey. These are the coping mechanisms for our minds and hearts to make sense of our new realities.
You might feel guilty for thinking these things — I know I did. But please, don’t. It’s not only normal to question your existence, but it means that you are taking steps to think about what your future is going to look like.
We have all been given a front-row seat to the reality of the impermanence of life. So, give yourself a little grace, take it easy on yourself, and don’t be too hard on yourself for having some negative thoughts along the way.
***However, if you are having any thoughts of actually harming yourself, if you are making plans, if you are thinking about ways to end your life, please, please, please, immediately seek help and call 988, the suicide hotline. Those kinds of thoughts need to be dealt with immediately.***
However, if you find yourself just questioning things, feeling like you don't want to live in this world without your person, feeling like there is no point in going on—no guilt, no shame. It is okay, and actually super common.
To deal with these feelings, you can talk to someone, be it a friend, a family member, a counselor—someone that you feel safe with. If you don’t feel like talking, journaling is another great way to express your feelings. I journaled often after Libby died, writing her letters and expressing my thoughts, however dark they were.
And if you feel you need to, please, seek professional help. There’s no shame in it. I did the same thing myself, and I completely support anyone in seeking additional help.
I want to assure you, even though it doesn't feel like it now and it might not for years:
THERE IS A POINT.
It might be difficult to find meaning in anything if you're feeling like you shouldn’t be here, but with the grief work that you do, if you put in the hard work, you will come to a place where you can start to find meaning in the rest of your life.
So, let’s be honest about our grief, let’s work through it together, and let’s help each other find meaning and a point to keep going on, even when it feels impossible.
If you’d like to watch the video version of this post, click below:
