Empathy overload
A lot of people loved Libby. A LOT. She was just the kind of person that people fell in love with. She radiated kindness, and excitement, and joy.
Her loss is felt by so many, and in this day and age of social media and communication at your fingertips 24/7, I can’t really escape that fact.
A sampling of posts from Libby’s dance family … Seriously the best group of girls ever. ❤️
I absolutely love that my daughter impacted so many lives and I’m so appreciative of people remembering and honoring her. The problem lies in the fact that I’m an extreme empath.
I see and hear others’ grief over Libby and I have a habit of taking on their pain. I put myself in their shoes and try to understand what they must be feeling, even though (according to my therapist and pretty much every grief resource I’ve read in the past month) that’s the LAST thing I should be doing. But it’s really difficult for me to stop focusing on what other people will think of my reactions. I find myself worrying if I take too long to respond to a text, message, or phone call.
Am I disappointing someone? Am I being rude?
Did I remember to thank that person for the meal they dropped off, or the DoorDash gift card they sent?
My day is full of wonderful people checking in on me and reaching out to share their stories about Libby, offer condolences, see if there’s anything my family needs, and trying to get me out of the house. My nature is to listen, and commiserate, and appreciate, and be thankful.
But there’s a point where empathy becomes a character flaw, and I think I hit that point when I actually APOLOGIZED to someone for my daughter dying. Like it was my fault. Like I was causing an inconvenience to this person’s life that I could somehow fix.
If you know me, you know I say “I’m sorry” about a million times a day. It’s a habit I’m trying very hard to break. And the moment that particular apology came out of my mouth, a tiny alarm sounded in my head.
I’m sorry for everyone else. I’m worried about everyone else. I’m so, so, grateful for everyone else. But right now, I need to focus on myself. It is 100% against my nature, but it needs to be done.
Because right now? All this empath wants to do is curl into the fetal position, cry, watch Netflix, write, and ignore the rest of the world. And that needs to be ok.
